


Faith (SEASON ONE, EPISODE TWELVE)

by ackles_ass_equation



Series: Superghetto [13]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon, Episode: s01e12 Faith, script
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 20:05:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6822115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackles_ass_equation/pseuds/ackles_ass_equation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dean be accidentally electrocuted fightin a monster, he permanently damages his thugged-out ass. When da ruffneck diagnosed as only havin a month, at most, ta live, Sam searches fo' a means ta save his ass n' findz Roy Le Grange, a gangbangin' faith heala whoz ass may straight-up be tha real deal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack fo' realz. Afta Le Grange heals Dean, tha brothers discover dat Le Grange is rockin black magic ta bind a "Reaper" ta do his bidding...and each healin comes wit a shitty price.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. NOW

EXTERIOR. NIGHT fo' realz. ABANDONED HOUSE 

Growl of Impala engine. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' DEAN park n' open tha trunk. DEAN removes two tasers. 

 **SAM  
** What do you gots dem amped up to?

 **DEAN  
** A hundred thousand volts.

 **SAM  
** Damn.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, I want dis rawhead extra frickin' crispy fo' realz. And remember, you only git one blasted wit these thangs. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So make it count.

INTERIOR. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' DEAN movin down basement stairs wit glocks n' flashlights.

Hearin a noise, they move toward a cold-ass lil cupboard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **DEAN  
** (whispers) On three. One. Two. Three.

DEAN swings open tha door, a lil' pimp n' hoe is crouched inside, coverin they ears.

 **SAM  
** (Whispers) Is it still here, biatch? (Da lil pimps nod)

 **DEAN  
** (to tha boy) Shut tha fuck up. Grab yo' sisterz hand, come on, we gotta git you outta here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Letz go, letz go. (They move towardz tha stairs.) Alright, go!

SAM starts ta take tha lil pimps upstairs, a hand grabs his fuckin legs, knockin his ass back down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da lil pimps scream n' run ta tha top of tha stairs.

 **DEAN  
** Sam! 

DEAN blasts tha taser but misses.

 **DEAN  
** Sam, git 'em outta here biaatch!

 **SAM  
** (Throwin his cold-ass taser ta DEAN) Here take this muthafucka! 

SAM runs up tha stairs n' moves tha lil pimps outta sight.

 **DEAN  
** (Moves round tha basement on high alert, shinin his cold-ass torch tha fuck into corners) Come on! 

A ragged, hairy creature leaps up n' shoves DEAN backwards. DEAN loses his weapons n' flashlight as he falls yo. Dude glances around, scramblez across puddlez of wata ta grab tha taser n' releases it toward tha creature as it moves toward him, electrocutin his muthafuckin ass. Electricitizzle moves from tha creature all up in tha wata lyin on tha ground ta DEAN. They both shake n' twitch, tha creature falls, DEAN loses consciousness.

SAM runs down tha stairs n' sees DEAN up in tha corner, unmoving.

 **SAM  
** Dean! 

Dude runs over n' half lifts him, holdin his wild lil' face.

 **SAM  
** Dean, hey yo. Hey.


	2. ACT ONE

INTERIOR yo. HOSPITAL.

SAM standz all up in tha desk wit a receptionist. 

 **RECEPTIONIST  
** Sir, I be soopa-doopa sorry ta ask. There don't seem ta be any insurizzle on file.

 **SAM  
** Right. Uh, ok.

SAM removes a cold-ass lil card from his wallet n' handz it ta RECEPTIONIST.

 **RECEPTIONIST  
** (glancin at card) Okay, Mista Muthafuckin Burkovitz.

SAM sees two cops waitin n' strutts over.

 **COP  
** Look, we can finish dis up later.

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, no, itz all gravy. Us thugs was just takin a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shortcut all up in tha hood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! And, um, tha windows was rolled down, our crazy asses heard some beatboxin when our phat asses drove past tha house, n' we stopped. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Ran in.

 **COP  
** And you found tha lil playas up in tha basement?

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **COP  
** Well, give props ta Dogg you done did.

SAM sees a thugged-out doctor struttin towardz dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **SAM  
** (To cops) Excuse mah dirty ass.

 **COP  
** Sure. Thanks fo' yo' help.

 **SAM  
** Yo, Doc. Is he...

 **DOCTOR  
** Dat punk resting.

 **SAM  
** And?

 **DOCTOR  
** Da electrocution triggered a ass attack. Pretty massive, I be afraid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! His ass...itz damaged.

 **SAM  
** How tha fuck damaged?

 **DOCTOR  
** We've done all we can. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. We can try n' keep his ass laid back at dis point. But, I'd give his ass a cold-ass lil couple weeks, at most, maybe a month.

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, no. There's, there's...gotta be suttin' you can do, some kind of treatment.

 **DOCTOR  
** We can't work miracles. I straight-up be sorry bout dat bullshit.

SAM strutts away, lookin upset.

.....................................

INTERIOR yo. HOSPITAL ROOM.

DEAN is watchin TV yo. Dude is pale n' has dark circlez under his wild lil' fuckin eyes. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM enters. dean keeps his wild lil' fuckin eyes on tha TV

 **DEAN  
** (Soundin straight-up weak) Has you done eva straight-up peeped daytime TV, biatch? It aint nuthin but shitty.

 **SAM  
** (bobbin his head n' sighing) I talked ta yo' doctor.

 **DEAN  
** That fabric softener teddy bear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Oh, I'ma hunt dat lil biiiatch down.

 **SAM  
** Dean.

DEAN looks up.  
****  
DEAN  
(soundin resigned n' clickin tha TV off) Yeah fo' realz. All right, well, be lookin like you gonna leave hood without mah dirty ass.

 **SAM  
** What is you poppin' off about, biatch? I aint gonna leave you here.

 **DEAN  
** (Serious) Yo, you betta take care of dat car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Or, I swear, I be bout ta haunt yo' ass.

 **SAM  
** I don't be thinkin thatz funky.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, come on, itz a lil funky.

There be a long-ass silence, Sam looks down, fightin tears. DEAN sighs.

 **DEAN  
** Look, Sammy, what tha fuck can I say, dude, itz a gangbangin' fucked up gig. I drew tha short straw. Thatz it, end of story.

 **SAM  
** Don't rap like that, aiiiight, biatch? We still have options.

 **DEAN  
** What options, biatch? Yeah, burial or cremation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. And I know it aint easy as fuck . But I'ma take a thugged-out dirt nap fo' realz. And you can't stop dat shit.

 **SAM  
** Watch mah dirty ass.

...................

INTERIOR yo. HOTEL ROOM.

Camera pans across a funky-ass bed covered up in pagez of research bout ass care. Noise of a funky-ass beeper ringing. 

 **VOICEMAIL  
** This is Jizzy Winchesta n' shit. I can't be reached. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! If dis be a emergency, call mah son, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 866-907-3235 yo. Dude can help.

 **SAM  
** (Fightin tears) Yo, Dad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! It aint nuthin but Sam. Uh...you probably won't even git dis yo, but, uh...itz Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dat punk sick, n' uh...the doctors say there be a not a god damn thang they can do. Um...but, uh, they don't give a fuck tha thangs we know, right, biatch? So, quit freakin' tha fuck out, cause I be uh...gonna do whatever it takes ta git his ass mo' betta n' shiznit fo' realz. Alright...just wanted you ta know.

SAM hangs up, tosses his beeper on tha bed n' just sits there silently. There be a knock on tha door n' he looks up quickly, tears up in his wild lil' fuckin eyes yo. Dude opens it ta find DEAN leanin against tha jam, lookin shitty. 

 **SAM  
** (surprised, aiiight n' trippin all at once) What tha hell is you bustin here?

 **DEAN  
** I checked mah dirty ass out.

 **SAM  
** What, is you crazy?

 **DEAN  
** (enterin tha room, leanin on every last muthafuckin thang within reach) Well, I aint gonna take a thugged-out dirtnap up in a hospitizzle where tha nurses aren't even hot.

DEAN shrugs. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM huffs a laugh n' shuts tha door.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass know, dis whole I-laugh-in-the-face-of-death thang, biatch? It aint nuthin but crap. I can peep right all up in dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, whatever, dude yo. Has you done even slept, biatch? Yo ass look worse than mah dirty ass.

 **SAM  
** (Helpin DEAN ta a cold-ass lil chair)I've been scourin tha Internizzle fo' tha last three days. Callin every last muthafuckin contact up in Dadz journal.

 **DEAN  
** For what?

 **SAM  
** For a way ta help you, biatch. One of Dadz playas, Joshua, his schmoooove ass called mah crazy ass back. Told mah crazy ass on some muthafucka up in Nebraska fo' realz. A specialist.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass aint gonna let me take a thugged-out dirtnap up in peace, is yo slick ass?

 **SAM  
** I aint gonna let you die, period. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! We going.

.........................

EXTERIOR. DAYTIME. RAINING.

Da Impala bumps along a rutted gravel road toward a big-ass white circus tent set up in a gangbangin' field. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

Muthafuckas make they way toward tha tent across tha straight-up muddy ground, nuff on struttin frames or helped by others. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM gets up n' runs round ta help DEAN. DEAN opens his fuckin lil' door n' looks around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! A sign next ta tha tent readz  _Da Church of Roy LeGrange. Faith Heala n' shit. Witnizz Da Miracle._

Grimacing, DEAN starts ta pull his dirty ass outta tha car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM tries ta help.

 **SAM  
** I gots ya.

 **DEAN  
** (Angrily) I gots dat shit.

DEAN pushes SAM away.

 **DEAN  
** Man, yo ass be a lyin bastard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Thought you holla'd we was goin ta peep a thugged-out doctor.

 **SAM  
** I believe I holla'd a specialist. Look, Dean, dis muthafuckaz supposed ta be tha real deal.

 **DEAN  
** I can't believe you brought me here ta peep some muthafucka whoz ass heals playas outta a tent.

An coffin dodgin' biatch wit a umbrella passes by.

 **WOMAN  
** Reverend LeGrange be a pimped out man.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, thatz sick.

They strutt past a mad salty playa remonstratin wit a cold-ass lil cop.

 **MAN  
** I gots a right ta protest. This playa be a gangbangin' fraud. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And he milkin all these playas outta they hard-earned scrilla.

 **SHERIFF  
** Sir, dis be a place of worship. Letz go. Move dat shit. (They strutt away.)

 **DEAN  
** I take it he not part of tha flock.

 **SAM  
** But when playas peep suttin' they can't explain, there be a cold-ass lil controversy.

 **DEAN  
** I mean, come on, Sam, a gangbangin' faith healer?

 **SAM  
** Maybe itz time ta git a lil faith, Dean.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass know what tha fuck I've gots faith in, biatch? Reality. Knowin whatz straight-up goin on.

 **SAM  
** How tha fuck can you be a skeptic, biatch? With tha thangs we peep everyday?

 **DEAN  
** Exactly. We peep them, we know there real.

 **SAM  
** But if you know evilz up there, how tha fuck can you not believe goodz up there, too?

 **DEAN  
** Because I've peeped what tha fuck evil do ta phat people.

 **YOUNG WOMAN  
** (Overhearing) Maybe Dogg works up in mysterious ways.

 **DEAN  
** (Checkin her up n' smiling) Maybe da ruffneck do. I be thinkin you just turned mah crazy ass round on tha subject.

 **YOUNG WOMAN  
** Yeah, I be sure.

 **DEAN  
** (holdin up his hand) I be Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. This is Sam.

 **YOUNG WOMAN  
** (takin DEANz hand) Layla. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, if you not a funky-ass believer, then why is you here?

 **DEAN  
** Well, apparently mah brutha here believes enough fo' tha both of us.

 **OLDER WOMAN**   
(approachin n' puttin her arm round Layla) Come on, Layla. It aint nuthin but bout ta start.

Da dem hoes smile at SAM n' DEAN n' move inside tha tent. 

 **DEAN  
** (Lookin afta her) Well, I bet you dat thugged-out biiiatch can work up in some mysterious ways.

SAM n' DEAN enta tha tent. Da sign all up in tha entrizzle readz  _Welcome All Faiths. True Believers Revival._    
  
.....................

INTERIOR. TENT. 

Da tent is full of playas findin seats, a lil' small-ass stage all up in tha front has a lecturn wit candlez on dat shit. 

 **DEAN  
** (lookin around, tilts his head ta tha corner) Yeah, peace, love, n' trust all over n' shit. 

SAM bigs up his wild lil' freakadelic gaze ta a securitizzle camera. DEAN starts ta take a seat but SAM puts a arm round his ass n' moves his ass toward tha front.

 **SAM  
** Come on.

 **DEAN  
** Don't son! What is you bustin, biatch? Letz sit here.

 **SAM  
** We chillin up front.

 **DEAN  
** What, biatch? Why?

 **SAM  
** (movin DEAN up tha aisle) Come on.

 **DEAN  
** (Growls) Oh, come on, Sam.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass aiiiight?

 **DEAN  
** This is ridiculous. (Dude slaps SAMz handz away) I be good, dude, git off mah dirty ass. 

SAM lets go n' points ta two empty seats behind LAYLA n' her mother.

 **SAM  
** Perfect.

 **DEAN  
** (sarcastically) Yeah, perfect.

 **SAM  
** (movin up in first) Yo ass take tha aisle.

SAM tried ta help DEAN sit, DEAN raises a hand irritably. On stage a funky-ass blind playa bustin sunglasses, ROY LEGRANGE, is helped ta tha lecturn by a biatch.

 **ROY  
** Each morning, mah hoe, Sue Ann, readz me tha news. Never seems good, do it, biatch? (Da crowd agrees wit his muthafuckin ass.) Seems like there be a always one of mah thugs committin some immoral, unspeakable act.

As da perved-out muthafucka speaks SAM sees a table onstage, filled wit religious shit yo. Dude notices a oldschool wooden cross dat is topped by a smalla cross up in a cold-ass lil circle.

 **ROY  
** But, I say ta you, Dogg is watching.

 **CROWD**   
(murmuring) Yes yes y'all, he is.

 **ROY  
** Dogg rewardz tha good, n' Dude punishes tha corrupt. 

 **CROWD  
** Nodding, cheerin n' murmuring.

 **ROY  
** It be tha Lord whoz ass do tha healin here playas. Da Lord whoz ass guides me up in choosin whoz ass ta heal by helpin me peep tha fuck into peoplez hearts.

CROWD continues murmuring.

 **DEAN  
** (quietly, ta SAM) Yeah, n' tha fuck into they wallets.

 **ROY  
** Yo ass be thinkin so, lil' man?

Da crowd immediately falls silent.

 **DEAN  
** Sorry.

 **ROY  
** Fuck dat shit, no. Don't be. Just peep what tha fuck you say round a funky-ass blind dude, we've gots real sharp ears.

CROWD Laughs.

 **ROY  
** Whatz yo' name, son?

 **DEAN  
** (Clears his cold-ass throat, hesitating) Dean.

 **ROY  
** Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. (nodz ta his dirty ass) I want-I want you ta come up here wit mah dirty ass.

Da crowd claps. LAYLA n' her mutha don't move. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SUE ANN moves ta centre stage, smilin at DEAN. 

 **DEAN  
** (bobbin his head) Fuck dat shit, itz ok.

 **SAM  
** (whispers) What is you bustin?!

 **ROY  
** You've come here ta be healed, aint cha?

 **DEAN  
** (Hestiatin again) Well, yeah yo, but ahh...(Da crowd claps n' make encouragin noises.)... maybe you should just pick one of mah thugs. 

SAM looks at DEAN like he insane. Da crowd claps loudly.

 **ROY  
** Oh, no. I didn't pick you, Dean, tha Lord done did.

 **CROWD  
** (Gettin mo' excited) _Thatz right playa!_   _Yeah!_   _Come on!_  

 **SAM  
** (Excitedly) Git up there biaatch!

DEAN reluctantly rises n' moves toward tha stage. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SUE ANN moves ta assist n' standz his ass next ta ROY.

 **ROY  
** Yo ass ready?

 **DEAN  
** Look, no disrespect yo, but ahh, I aint exactly a funky-ass believer.

 **ROY  
** (smiling) Yo ass will be, son. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass will be.

 **ROY  
** (To tha crowd) Pray wit me, playas. 

Da crowd lifts they arms up n' joins handz wit each other n' shit. ROY lifts his handz ta tha air, then places one first on DEANz shoulder, then on tha side of his head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **ROY  
** (to his dirty ass) Alright now fo' realz. Alright now, nahmeean?

DEANz eyes glaze over n' shiznit yo. His knees weaken n' da perved-out muthafucka sinks ta his knees, ROYz hand still on his head

 **ROY  
** Alright, now, nahmeean, biatch? 

DEAN wobbles, his wild lil' fuckin eyes fall back up in his head n' da perved-out muthafucka slips ta tha stage floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. 

 **SAM  
** (jumpin from his chair n' hustlin ta tha stage) Dean! 

Da crowd is clappin excitedly.

SAM grabs tha front of DEANz Hoodie. DEANz eyes burst open n' he gasps. 

 **SAM  
** Say Something!

DEAN blinks groggily n' looks up. ROY is standin above him, handz up from his sides, palms up, lookin horny. beside n' slightly behind ROY a tall playa up in a funky-ass black suit wit white hair, straight-up white skin n' mad wrinkled skin comes tha fuck into focus yo. Dude stares at DEAN then turns away n' vanishes. DEAN watches him, shocked.


	3. ACT TWO

INTERIOR yo. HOSPITAL CHECK UP ROOM.

 **SAM  
** So, you straight-up feel aiiight?

 **DEAN  
** (lookin bugged out) I feel fine, Sam.

 **DOCTOR  
** (Entas readin paperwork) Well, accordin ta all yo' tests there be a not a god damn thang wack wit yo' ass. No sign there eva was. Not dat a playa yo' age should be havin ass shiznit yo, but, still itz strange it do happen.

 **DEAN  
** What do you mean, strange?

 **DOCTOR  
** Well, just yesterday, a lil' muthafucka like you, twenty-seven, athletic. Out of nowhere, ass attack.

 **DEAN  
** Thanks, Doc.

 **DOCTOR  
** (leaving) No problem.

 **DEAN  
** Thatz odd.

 **SAM  
** Maybe itz a cold-ass lil coincidence. Peoplez hearts give up all tha time, man.

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shit, they don't.

 **SAM  
** Look, Dean, do we straight-up gotta look dis one up in tha grill, biatch? Why can't our laid-back asses just be thankful dat tha muthafucka saved yo' game n' move on?

 **DEAN  
** Because I can't shake dis feeling, thatz why.

 **SAM  
** What feeling?

 **DEAN  
** When I was healed, I just...I felt wrong. I felt cold. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And fo' a second...I saw one of mah thugs. This, uh, dis oldschool man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. And I be spittin some lyrics ta you, Sam, dat shiznit was a spirit, n' I aint talkin bout no muthafuckin Jack Daniels neither.

 **SAM  
** But if there was suttin' there, Dean, I be thinkin I would've peeped it, like a muthafucka. I mean, I've been seein a wack lot of thangs lately.

 **DEAN  
** Well, excuse me, psycho wonder n' shit. But you just gonna need a lil faith on dis one. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sam, I've been hustlin long enough ta trust a gangbangin' feelin like all dis bullshit.

 **SAM  
** (Sighing) Yeah, aiiiight. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, what tha fuck do you wanna do?

 **DEAN**  
I want you ta go hit up tha ass battle muthafucka. I'ma visit tha reverend.  
  
...............

INTERIOR. ROY LEGRANGE'S HOUSE

  
ROY n' DEAN sit on couches, SUE ANN stands, fillin a glass. 

 **DEAN  
** I feel pimped out. Just tryin to, you know, make sense of what tha fuck happened.

 **SUE ANN  
** A miracle is what tha fuck happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Well, miraclez come so often round Roy.

 **DEAN  
** (to ROY) When did they start, biatch? Da miracles.

 **ROY  
** Woke up one morning, stone blind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Doctors figured up I had cancer n' shit. Told mah crazy ass I had maybe a month. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, uh, we prayed fo' a miracle. I was weak yo, but I holla'd at Sue Ann, 'Yo ass just keep right on praying.' I went tha fuck into a cold-ass lil coma. Doctors holla'd I wouldn't wake up yo, but I done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And tha cancer was gone. 

ROY takes off his sunglasses, his wild lil' fuckin eyes is white. 

 **ROY  
** If it wasn't fo' these eyes, no one would believe I'd eva had dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** And suddenly you could heal people.

 **ROY  
** I discovered it afterward, yes. Godz pimped mah crazy ass up in nuff ways.

 **SUE ANN  
** And his wild lil' flock just swelled overnight fo' realz. And dis is just tha beginning.

 **DEAN  
** Can I ask you one last question?

 **ROY  
** Of course you can.

 **DEAN  
** Why, biatch? Why me son, biatch? Out of all tha sick people, why save me son?

 **ROY  
** Well, like I holla'd before, tha Lord guides mah dirty ass. I looked tha fuck into yo' ass, n' you just stood up from all tha rest.

 **DEAN  
** What did you peep up in mah heart?

 **ROY  
** A lil' playa wit a blingin purpose fo' realz. A thang ta do fo' realz. And it isn¡¯t finished. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! (DEAN looks slightly surprised.)

..............

INTERIOR. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SWIMMING LOCKER ROOM.

 **EMPLOYEE  
** I be spittin some lyrics ta you, da perved-out muthafucka seemed healthy. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Swam every last muthafuckin day, didn't smoke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, a ass battle just kind of seemed, well, bizarre.

 **SAM  
** And you holla'd da thug was hustlin, right before his schmoooove ass collapsed?

 **MAN  
** Yeah, yeah, da thug was freakin up yo. Dude holla'd dat suttin' was, uh, was afta his muthafuckin ass.

 **SAM  
** Did da perved-out muthafucka say what?

 **MAN  
** Well, thin air is what. I mean, it wasn't anything. 

 **SAM  
** Alright, props.

As SAM is leavin he notice tha clock on tha wall aint working.

 **SAM  
** Yo, dawg, biatch? Your, uh, yo' clockz busted.

 **MAN  
** Oh, yeah, we, uh, can't git it workin'. Just froze at 4:17.

 **SAM  
** Is dat tha same time Marshall died?

 **MAN  
** (surprised) How'd you know?

............................

EXTERIOR. ROY LEGRANGE'S PORCH STEPS

DEAN is leaving. LAYLA n' her mutha is waitin ta go in.

 **LAYLA  
** Dean, hey.

 **DEAN  
** Hey.

 **LAYLA  
** How tha fuck you feeling?

 **DEAN  
** I feel good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Cured, I guess. What is you bustin here?

 **LAYLA  
** Yo ass know, mah mom, dat biiiiatch wanted ta rap ta tha reverend.

SUE ANN comes onto tha porch.

 **SUE ANN  
** Layla?

 **LAYLA  
** (softly) Yes, I be here again.

 **SUE ANN  
** Well, I be sorry yo, but Roy is restin yo. Dude won't be seein any suckas n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do.

 **MRS. ROURKE  
** Sue Ann,. Biiiatch please.This is our sixth time, he gots ta peep us.

 **SUE ANN  
** Roy is well aware of Laylaz thang fo' realz. And he straight-up much wants ta help just as soon as tha Lord allows yo. Have faith, Mrs. Rourke.

SUE ANN goes inside. MRS. ROURKE stares then turns, lookin at DEAN.

 **MRS. ROURKE  
** (frustrated) Why is you still even here, biatch? Yo ass gots what tha fuck you wanted.

 **LAYLA  
** Mom. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Stop.

 **MRS. ROURKE  
** Fuck dat shit, Layla, dis is too much. We've been ta every last muthafuckin single service. If Roy would stop choosin these strangers over you, biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Strangers whoz ass don't even believe. I just can't pray any harder.

 **DEAN  
** Layla, whatz wrong?

 **LAYLA  
** (hesitantly) I have dis thang...

 **MRS. ROURKE  
** It aint nuthin but a funky-ass dome tumor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. It aint nuthin but inoperable. In six months, tha doctors say....

LAYLA puts a hand on her motherz shoulder, stoppin her muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit.

 **LAYLA  
** It aint nuthin but all gravy.

 **MRS. ROURKE  
** (Slowly, starin tha fuck into her daughterz eyes) No. Well shiiiit, it aint. (To DEAN.) Why do you deserve ta live mo' than mah daughter, biatch? 

MRS ROURKE strutts away. LAYLA take a thugged-out deep shaky breath n' bigs up her down tha stairs. DEAN watches dem go then turns ta look back at ROY n' SUE ANNz house.

.....................

INTERIOR. MOTEL ROOM. 

DEAN enters, throwin his keys on tha bed n' beginnin ta take off his jacket. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM be all up in tha laptop.

 **DEAN  
** What'd you smoke up?

 **SAM  
** (speakin on tha fuckin' down-lowly) I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit.

 **DEAN  
** (throwin his jacket on tha bed n' approaching) Sorry bout what?

 **SAM  
** Marshall Hall took a dirt nap at 4:17.

 **DEAN  
** (stunned) Da exact time I was healed.

 **SAM**  
Yeah. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, I put together a list of mah playas Royz healed, six playas over tha past year, n' I cross-checked dem wit tha local obits, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Every time one of mah thugs was healed, one of mah thugs died. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And each time, tha sucka took a dirt nap of tha same symptom LeGrange was healin all up in tha time.  
  
...............................

EXTERIOR. FOREST/PARK 

A biatch is joggin along a path, headphones on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

_MUSIC: Da lead up in ta 'Don't fear tha Reaper' by Blue Oysta Cult begins ta play on tha fuckin' down-lowly n' gets gradually louder_

  
**DEAN  
** (Voiceover (VO)- continuin conversation) Someonez healed of cancer, one of mah thugs takes a thugged-out dirt nap of cancer?

 **SAM  
** (VO) Somehow. LeGrange...hez tradin a game fo' another.

Da biatch stops jogging, takes up a earphone n' looks tha fuck into tha forest.

 **WOMAN  
** Hello?

.......................................

INTERIOR. MOTEL.

 **DEAN  
** Wait, wait, wait. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, Marshall Hall took a dirt nap ta save me son?

 **SAM  
** (lookin upset) Dean, tha muthafucka probably would've took a dirt nap anyway fo' realz. And one of mah thugs would've been healed.

....................................

INTERIOR. CHURCH TENT.

ROY has his hand on tha forehead of a oldschool playa up in a wheelchair wit a oxygen tube.

...................................

INTERIOR. MOTEL

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass never should've brought me here.

 **SAM  
** Dean, I was just tryin ta save yo' game.

 **DEAN  
** But, Sam, some muthafucka is dead now cuz of mah dirty ass.

 **SAM  
** I didn't give a fuck. 

.....................................

INTERIOR. CHURCH SERVICE

 **ROY  
** Pray wit me, playas. (Da crowd lifts they arms up in tha air)

 **SAM  
** (VO) Da thang I don't KNOW is how tha fuck is Roy bustin it, biatch? Howz tha pimpin' muthafucka tradin a game fo' a game, biatch?

...................................

INTERIOR. MOTEL.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, he not bustin dat shit. 

...............................

EXTERIOR. FOREST/PARK

Da WOMAN is leant over, gaspin fo' breath.

 **DEAN  
** (VO) Somethang else is bustin it fo' his muthafuckin ass.

 **SAM  
** (VO) What do you mean?

 **DEAN  
** (VO) Da oldschool playa I saw on stage.

Da WOMAN turns. Da oldschool playa is up in front of her n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch is startled.

..........................................

INTERIOR. MOTEL

 **DEAN  
** I didn't wanna believe it yo, but deep down I knew.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass knew what, biatch? What is you poppin' off about?

 **DEAN  
** Therez only one thang dat can give n' take game like dis shit. 

SAM looks at DEAN, confused.

 **DEAN  
** Us dudes dealin wit a reaper.

....................................

EXTERIOR. FOREST/PARK.  
  
Da noize cresendos, tha lyrics begin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 'Don't Fear tha Reaper' by Blue Oysta Cult.

Da biatch flees down tha path, lookin back, terrified n' gasping. Da reaper bigs up her calmly. 

...................................

INTERIOR. CHURCH SERVICE

ROY lifts his handz ta heaven, preparin ta lay dem on tha oldschool man.

...................................

EXTERIOR. FOREST/PARK

Da biatch, exhasted now, looks behind her again, seein tha reaper n' shit. When dat dunkadelic hoe turns forward dat thugged-out biiiatch crashes tha fuck into his ass n' falls ta he knees. Da reaper lays his hand on tha side of her grill yo. Her eyes glaze.

...............................

INTERIOR. CHURCH SERVICE

ROY lays his hand on tha oldschool manz head.

..............................

EXTERIOR. FOREST/PARK

Da biatch gasps fo' breath, her grill pale. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch falls ta tha ground, dead as fuckin fried chicken.

...............................

INTERIOR. CHRUCH SERVICE

Da same reaper, invisible ta tha crowd, places his hand beside ROYz on tha oldschool manz head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da playa rises from his wheelchair n' falls ta his knees. Da color returns ta his wild lil' grill n' da perved-out muthafucka slowly removes his oxygen tube. Da crowd gasps n' cheers. ROY smiles, n' tha crowd claps n' cheers.


	4. ACT THREE

INTERIOR. CHURCH TENT.

 **ROY  
** (Raisin his hands) All n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do fo' realz. All right. 

ROY places his hand on Laylaz head.

Just outside tha door SUE ANN is recitin Latin n' holdin tha cross up in her hands. 

............................

EXTERIOR. CAR PARK

Da reaper places his hand on tha side of DEANz head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! DEAN convulses once.

...........................

Inside tha church LAYLA is sinkin ta her knees, outside DEAN is bustin tha same yo. His eyes glaze over.

............................

SUE ANN is reciting, holdin up tha cross. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM appears, grabs it n' throws it aside, breakin a glass forty of blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg!

...............................

Da reaper stops what tha fuck he is bustin n' looks up. DEAN falls ta tha ground gasping.

.............................

Roy raises his hand from Laylaz head, confused. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **ROY  
** I don't understand...

 **LAYLA  
** I don't....feel any different...?

..............................

SUE ANN falls ta her knees beside tha blood.

 **SUE ANN  
** My fuckin God, what tha fuck have you done biaatch!

 **SAM**  
Dat punk not yo' Dogg.  
  
..............................

 **LAYLA  
** (Lookin up at ROY, confused) Reverend?

 **ROY**  
Sue Ann?  
  
............................

Outside, SUE ANN looks up n' seez tha reaper n' shiznit yo. Dude smilez at her n' shit. Terrified, she rises n' turns ta run. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da reaper is there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho yo. Dude places his hand on her head, her eyes glaze over n' she falls ta her knees fo' realz. Afta a moment, still smiling, he allows her ta slip ta tha ground where dat thugged-out biiiatch convulses once, twice, n' dies. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! Da reaper watches, lookin satisfied. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

Leavin her lyin there, SAM turns n' goes ta look fo' DEAN.  
  
.........................

DEAN make it back ta tha Impala just as SAM approaches.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass Ok?

 **DEAN  
** (Shakin his head) Hell of a week.

 **SAM  
** Yeah....All right, come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. We should git going. 

Da enta tha car.

....................................

INTERIOR. MOTEL ROOM.

DEAN sits on tha bed, starin at nothing.

 **SAM  
** (watchin him) What tha fuck iz it?

 **DEAN  
** Nothing.

SAM waits all dem seconds. 

 **SAM  
** (Mo' gently) What tha fuck iz it?

 **DEAN  
** Us dudes did tha right thang here didn't we?

 **SAM  
** Of course our phat asses done did.

 **DEAN  
** (hangin his head) It don't feel like dat shit. 

A knock all up in tha door stops dem wild-ass muthafuckas. 

 **SAM  
** I gots dat shit.

Dude opens tha door as DEAN turns ta look. Well shiiiit, it is LAYLA.

 **SAM  
** Yo Layla. Come on in.

 **LAYLA  
** Hey.

She enters. DEAN quickly rises.

 **DEAN  
** How tha fuck did you know we was here?

 **LAYLA  
** Sam...called. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude holla'd you, biatch...wanted ta say peace out?

DEAN glances at SAM, whoz ass be all up in tha door, lookin sheepish.

 **SAM  
** I be gunna...grab a soda. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM leaves, closin tha door behind his muthafuckin ass.

 **LAYLA  
** So, uh. Where is you going?

 **DEAN  
** Don't know yet. Our work kinda takes our asses all over.

 **LAYLA  
** (watchin DEAN up in silence fo' a moment). Yo ass know...I went back ta peep Roy.

 **DEAN  
** (Nods)What happened?

 **LAYLA  
** (sittin on one of tha beds) Nothang yo. Dude laid his handz on mah forehead but not a god damn thang happened.

 **DEAN  
** (sittin beside her) I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit. I be sorry as a muthafucka it didnt work.

 **LAYLA  
** And Sue Ann. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dat hoe dead you know, biatch? Stroke.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah I heard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Yo ass know Royz a phat man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude don't deserve whatz happened.

DEAN looks at LAYLA.

 **DEAN  
** Must be rough cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. To believe up in suttin' so much, n' have it disappoint you, biatch.

 **LAYLA  
** (Smiling) Yo ass wanna hear suttin' weird?

DEAN turns ta peep her muthafuckin ass.

 **LAYLA  
** I be Shut tha fuck up. Really. I guess if you gunna have faith...you can't just have it when tha miraclez happen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass gotta have it when they don't.

 **DEAN  
** So what tha fuck now?

 **LAYLA  
** (smilin softly) Dogg works up in mysterious ways.

LAYLA lays her hand softly on tha side of DEANz face, starin at his muthafuckin ass.

 **LAYLA  
** Dope Bye Dean.

She rises n' moves toward tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Dean closes his wild lil' fuckin eyes fo' a second, remainin still.

 **DEAN  
** (risin n' turin ta grill Layla) Well....(he clears his cold-ass throat as Layla turns back ta grill him) I aint much of tha prayin type...but...I be gunna pray fo' you, biatch. 

 **LAYLA  
** (eyes shinin wit unshed tears) Well...Therez a miracle right there.

LAYLA turns n' leaves tha room. Dean standz starin all up in tha door.


	5. ACT FOUR

INTERIOR. MOTEL ROOM.

SAM n' DEAN is chillin all up in tha table.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass straight-up be thinkin itz THE Grim Reaper, biatch? Like, angel of dirtnap, collect yo' soul, tha whole deal?

 **DEAN  
** No no no, not THE reaper, A reaper n' shit. Therez reaper law up in pretty much every last muthafuckin culture on earth, it goes by 100 different names, itz possible dat there be a mo' than one of dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **SAM  
** But you holla'd you saw a thugged-out dude up in a suit. 

 **DEAN  
** What, you be thinkin da perved-out muthafucka shoulda been hustlin tha whole black robe thang?....Yo ass holla'd it yo ass dat tha clock stopped right, biatch? Reapers stop time fo' realz. And you can only peep 'em when they comin at you which is why I could peep it n' you couldn't.

 **SAM  
** Maybe.

 **DEAN  
** Therez not a god damn thang else it could be Sam. Da question is how tha fuck is Roy controllin tha damn thang?

 **SAM  
** That cross.

 **DEAN  
** What?

 **SAM  
** There was dis cross, I noticed it up in tha church n' I knew I had peeped it before.

SAM looks all up in some papers n' snorts yo. Dude holdz a cold-ass lil card up ta DEAN.

 **SAM  
** Here.

DEAN leans tha fuck into take tha card.

 **DEAN  
** A Tarot?

 **SAM  
** It make sense fo' realz. A tarot dates back ta tha early christian era right, when some priests was still rockin magic, biatch? And all dem of dem veered tha fuck into tha dark stuff, biatch? Necromancy n' how tha fuck ta push dirtnap away, how tha fuck ta cause it?

 **DEAN  
** So Royz rockin black magic ta bind tha reaper?

 **SAM  
** If he is he ridin tha whirlwind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! It aint nuthin but like puttin a thugged-out dawg leash on a pimped out white.

 **DEAN  
** (risin ta put his cup up in tha sink, then leanin back against it) Ok then we stop Roy.

 **SAM  
** How?

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass know how.

 **SAM  
** Wait, what tha fuck tha hell is you poppin' off bout Dean, we can't bust a cap up in Roy.

DEAN Sam tha muthafuckas playin God, da ruffneck decidin whoz ass lives n' whoz ass dies. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! Thatz a monsta up in mah book. 

 **SAM  
** No. We not goin ta bust a cap up in a human bein Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Us dudes do dat we no betta than he is.

 **DEAN  
** Ok, we cant bust a cap up in Roy, we can't bust a cap up in dirtnap fo' realz. Any bright scams college boy?

 **SAM  
** Shut tha fuck up. uh...If Royz rockin some kind of black spell on tha reaper, we gotta...figure up what tha fuck it is fo' realz. And how tha fuck ta break dat shit. 

..........................

EXTERIOR. CAR PARK OUTSIDE CHURCH TENT

Da Impala bounces down tha badly gravelled n' potholed road again, passin a sign dat say  _Service Today_. They park n' exit tha Impala. 

 **SAM  
** If Royz rockin a spell, there might be a spell book.

 **DEAN  
** See if you can find dat shit. (Lookin at his watch) Hurry up too, tha steez starts up in fifteen minutes. I be bout ta try ta stall Roy.

 **MAN  
** (Holgin up a leadlet ta DEAN) Roy LeGrange be a gangbangin' fraud. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dat punk no heala n' shit. 

 **DEAN  
** (takin tha leaflet) Amen Brother.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass keep up tha phat work.

 **MAN**  
Thank yo thugged-out ass  
  
......................................

EXTERIOR. ROY'S HOUSE.

ROY comes down tha stairs, assisted by SUE ANN on one arm, a thugged-out dark haired playa tha other n' shit. Da camera pans ta SAM, watchin dem leave from tha corner of tha porch.

SAM climbs up in a window n' starts searchin tha crib yo. Dude looks on tha bookshelfs n' pulls up tha only book dat aint gots dust on tha shelf up in front of dat shit.  _Encyclopedia of British History_  yo. Dude flips all up in it, findin nothing, then realises there be another, smalla book, hidden on tha bookshelf behind tha larger one. Inside be a picture of a skeleton reaper, n' on another page tha wooden cross da perved-out muthafucka saw earlier up in tha tent yo. Dude also findz newspaper articlez bout tha playas whoz ass died. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da one dat took a dirt nap fo' DEAN was a openly gay mackdaddy, tha biatch joggin a abortion muthafuckin rights advocate yo. Dude findz a third clippin bout Wright, tha playa handin up leaflets up in front of tha tent. 

......................

INTERIOR. CHURCH TENT. 

Dean is struttin slowly up tha side aisle yo. His beeper rings.

 **DEAN  
** (Speakin tha fuck into phone) What have you got?

 **SAM  
** Royz choosin suckas da perved-out muthafucka sees as immoral. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack fo' realz. And I be thinkin I know whoz next on his fuckin list. Remember dat protestor?

 **DEAN  
** What, tha muthafucka up in tha parkin lot??

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Yeah, I be bout ta find his muthafuckin ass. But you can't let Roy heal mah playas, aiiiight?

DEAN hangs up n' moves further toward tha front of tha tent.

................................

EXTERIOR. CAR PARK.

SAM starts searchin tha hoopty park.

...............................

INTERIOR. CHURCH TENT.

 **ROY  
** Layla. Layla Rourke. Come up here child.

Da crowd bursts tha fuck into pleased applause. Layla, stunned, looks round then rises ta gangbang MRS ROURKE.

 **LAYLA  
** Mum. Nuff props, biatch.

 **MRS ROURKE  
** I gots a straight-up boner fo' you child.

 **DEAN  
** (Watchin dem hug) Oh man.

As Layla passes his ass DEAN grasps her arm.

 **DEAN  
** Layla, dig mah dirty ass. Yo ass can't go up there.

 **LAYLA  
** Why not, biatch? We've waited fo' months!.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass can't let Roy heal you, biatch.

 **Layla  
** I don't understand, Roy healed you didn't he, biatch? Why can't you let his ass try?

 **DEAN  
** Cause if you do suttin' shitty is goin ta happen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I can't explain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I just need you ta believe mah dirty ass

DEAN n' LAYLA stare at each other n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SUE ANN standz waiting.

 **SUE ANN  
** (holdin up her hand) Layla.

 **DEAN  
** Please.

Layla stares all up in tha hand SUE ANN is offering, then turns back n' stares at her mother, whoz ass is standin ringin her handz yo. Her mutha nodz at her n' shit. Layla looks at DEAN n' shakes her head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **LAYLA  
** I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit.

 **DEAN  
** (as Layla leaves him) Layla. Layla!

 **SUE ANN  
** (smilin n' puttin her arm round Layla ta take her ta tha stage) Dear lil pimp dawwwg!

Da crowd continues ta clap happily.

 **SUE ANN  
** (softly as they reach tha stage) Yo ass deserve all dis bullshit.

 **ROY  
** (Takin Laylaz hand) I knew tha Lord was planning. I knew dat shiznit was just a matta of time.

Dean, frustrated, moves back ta stand near MRS ROURKE. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch is bustin up like a biatch n' coverin her grill wit her hands. 

...................................

EXTERIOR. CAR PARK.

SAM continues ta search. 

 **WRIGHT  
** (runnin round a cold-ass lil car, tha reaper followin slowly) HELP!

SAM turns, searchin fo' where his voice came from.

.................................

INTERIOR. CHURCH TENT.

 **ROY  
** Pray wit me playas.

 **ROY  
** (to Layla) I hope you ready.

 **LAYLA  
** (smilin softly) I am.

.............................

EXTERIOR. CAR PARK.

 **WRIGHT  
** Help! Help me please biaatch!

 **SAM  
** (Findin WRIGHT n' lookin round wildly) Where is he biaatch!

 **WRIGHT  
** (Grabbin SAMz shoulder n' pointing) Right there biaatch!

 **SAM  
** (grabbin Wright n' pullin his ass away) Fine, come on.

...............................

INTERIOR. CHURCH TENT 

ROY be bout ta lay his handz on Layla, whoz ass looks enraptured.

 **DEAN  
** (off camera) FIRE! Hurry, tentz on fire!!

Layla opens her eyes n' looks toward tha crowd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Everyone starts ta rise n' evacuate.

 **MRS ROURKE  
** (movin toward tha stage) NO! No,. Biiiatch please.Please don't stop. Reverend, please, please biaaatch! Please don't stop, please biaaatch! 

DEAN watches helplessly.

 **ROY  
** Friends, if you'd all just leave tha tent up in a orderly fashion...and we'll, uh, n' we'll git into whatz giong on up there n' we'll come back.

DEAN pulls up his thugged-out lil' phone.

 **DEAN  
** (Into phone) I done did it, I stopped Roy.

..................................

EXTERIOR. CAR PARK.

SAM (holdin beeper ta his wild lil' fuckin ear) n' WRIGHT look around.

 **SAM  
** David, I be thinkin itz ok.

Dizzy looks round at SAM, nodding, then turns back. Da reaper is up in front of his muthafuckin ass.

 **WRIGHT  
** No!

 **SAM  
** (into phone) Dean it didn't work.Da reaperz still coming!

.................................

INTERIOR. CHURCH TENT

DEAN is still on tha phone.

 **SAM  
** (Off camera) I be spittin some lyrics ta you, I be spittin some lyrics ta you it didn't work. Roy must not be tha one controllin dis thang.

 **DEAN  
** Then whoz ass tha hell is?

DEAN looks round n' spies SUE ANN beside tha stage, facin tha fuck into tha corner n' reciting.

 **DEAN  
** Sue Ann.

Dean runs ta her n' spins her around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch gasps n' stops reciting, reachin down ta hold a cold-ass lil cross on a cold-ass lil chain round her neck. Well shiiiit, it is tha same ol' dirty as tha wooden cross SAM saw earlier n' shit.

...............................

EXTERIOR. CAR PARK

Da reaper is holdin his hand ta WRIGHTz face. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Suddenly da perved-out muthafucka stops, lookin confused, n' rises.

...................

INERIOR. CHURCH TENT

 **SUE ANN  
** (Starin at DEAN n' tuckin tha cross inside her blouse.) Help! Help me biaatch!

DEAN backs away, noddin n' starin at Sue Ann like da perved-out muthafucka shouldn't have expected anythang mo' betta n' shit. Two cops grab his ass roughly n' pull his ass away.  
  
..............................

EXTERIOR. CAR PARK

Da reaper stares at WRIGHT lyin on tha ground gaspin fo' breath, then turns away n' vanishes. 

 **SAM  
** (movin ta help his ass up) I gots you, biatch. I gots you, biatch.

 **WRIGHT  
** Thank Dogg.

............................  
  
EXTERIOR. CHURCH TENT ENTRANCE

Two cops manhandle DEAN all up in tha entry yo. Dude shakes dem off as soon as they is outside. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SUE ANN bigs up close behind.

 **SUE ANN  
** I just don't understand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Afta every last muthafuckin thang we've done fo' you, biatch fo' realz. Afta Roy healed you, biatch. I be just straight-up hella pissed tha fuck off Dean 

DEAN stares at her, sayin nothing.

 **SUE ANN  
** Yo ass can let his ass go. I aint gonna press charges. Da Lord will deal wit his ass as da perved-out muthafucka sees fit.

SUE ANN leaves. Da cops turn ta DEAN.

 **COP 1  
** We catch you round here again n' again n' again son, we'll put tha fear of Dogg up in you, understand?

 **DEAN  
** Yes yes y'all, sir, fear of god. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Got dat shit.

Da cops give his ass one last push yo. Dude turns ta find Layla waitin fo' his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** Layla?

 **LAYLA  
** Why would you do dat Dean, biatch? And it could done been mah only chance.

 **DEAN  
** Dat punk not a healer.

 **LAYLA  
** Dude healed you, biatch.

 **DEAN  
** I know it don't seem fair, n' I wish I could explain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. But Roy aint tha answer, I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit.

 **LAYLA  
** (bobbin her head sadly) Dope Bye Dean.

She strutts away. Dean raises his wild lil' fuckin eyes ta tha sky, then turns ta peep her n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch turns back. 

 **LAYLA  
** I wish you luck. I straight-up do.

 **DEAN  
** (Voice cracking) Same ta you, biatch.

Layla turns ta strutt away again.

 **DEAN  
** (under his breath) Yo ass deserve it a shitload mo' than mah dirty ass. 

Layla strutts away past where her mutha is poppin' off ta ROY n' SUE ANN.

 **ROY  
** Private session tonight, no interruptions. I hit you wit mah word, I be bout ta heal yo' daughter.

DEAN strutts past behind dem ta where SAM is waiting. They both overhear.

 **MRS ROURKE**  
Nuff props reverend yo, but it ain't no stoppin cause I be still poppin'. Dogg bless you, biatch.  
  
........................

INTERIOR. MOTEL ROOM 

 **Sam  
** (sittin on tha bed) So Roy straight-up believes.

 **DEAN  
** I don't be thinkin dat schmoooove muthafucka has any scam what tha fuck his hoez bustin.

 **SAM  
** Well, I found all dis bullshit. (Dude handz tha lil book ta Dean) Hidden up in they library. It aint nuthin but ancient. Written by a priest whoz ass went dark side. Therez a funky-ass bindin spell up in here fo' trappin a reaper.

 **DEAN  
** Must be a hell of a spell.

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Yo ass gotta build a funky-ass black alta wit seriously dark stuff. Bones, human blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! To cross a ine like that, a preachers hoe. Black magic. Murder n' shit. Evil

 **DEAN  
** Desperate yo. Her homeboy was dying, her dope ass didn't have anythang ta save his muthafuckin ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was rockin tha bindin spell ta keep tha reaper away from Roy.

 **SAM  
** Cheatin dirtnap, literally.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah but Royz kickin it, so why is her big-ass booty still rockin tha spell?

 **SAM  
** Right. To force tha reaper ta bust a cap up in playas dat dunkadelic hoe be thinkin is immoral. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. 

 **DEAN  
** May Dogg save our asses from half tha playas whoz ass be thinkin they bustin Godz work.

 **SAM  
** We gotta break dat bindin spell Dean.

 **DEAN  
** (Lookin all up in tha picture of tha cross up in tha book) Yo ass know Sue Ann had a cold-ass lil coptic cross like all dis bullshit. When her dope ass dropped it tha reaper backed off.

 **SAM  
** So you be thinkin we gotta find tha cross or fuck wit tha alter?

 **DEAN  
** Maybe both. Whatever our phat asses do we betta do it soon, or dat schmoooove muthafucka healin Layla tonight.


	6. ACT FIVE

EXTERIOR. NIGHT. CHURCH TENT CAR PARK.

Impala rolls up in without lights n' stops.

 **SAM  
** Thatz Laylaz car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Dat hoe already here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. 

 **DEAN  
** (noddin sadly) Yeah.

 **SAM  
** Dean...

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass know if Roy woulda picked Layla instead of me she'd be here n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do fo' realz. And if she not healed tonight she gunna take a thugged-out dirtnap up in a cold-ass lil coupla months. 

 **SAM  
** Whatz goin' down ta her is horrible. But what tha fuck is you gunna do, biatch? Let some muthafucka else take a thugged-out dirtnap ta save her, biatch? Yo ass holla'd it yo ass Dean, you can't play Dogg. 

DEAN sits without bustin lyrics, then gets outta tha car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM bigs up. They approach tha tent n' peek inside. Roy is bustin lyrics ta a lil' small-ass crew of tha faithful, includin Layla n' her mother.

 **ROY  
** Gather round, please everyone, gather round. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Come up in closer, come on up.

 **DEAN  
** Wherez Sue Ann?

 **SAM  
** House.

Da thugs move ta tha house.

 **DEAN  
** Go find Sue Ann, I be bout ta catch up.

 **SAM  
** (as his thugged-out lil' punk-ass bein pushed away) What is you gunna...?

 **DEAN  
** (spyin tha two cops from earier comin down tha stairs) Yo dawwwwg! 

Da cops look over.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass gunna put dat fear of Dogg up in me son?

Da cops drop they fruity-ass malt liquor n' run at DEAN, whoz ass takes off.

As soon as they gone SAM runs up tha stairs n' checks round tha house. Well shiiiit, it is up in darknizz yo. Dude turns back, confused, then spots light emergin from tha crackz of tha outside basement entrance.

.................................

DEAN silently creeps up beside a cold-ass lil camper van. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da cops is on tha other side wit flashlights.

 **COP 1  
** Yo ass peep him?

 **COP 2  
** Nah.

................................

SAM moves toward tha basement entrance, opens tha doors n' slips inside.

................................

DEAN slowly rises next ta tha passenger window of tha camper van, lookin behind his muthafuckin ass fo' realz. A big-ass dawg jumps all up in tha window, barkin wildy n' he leaps back. On tha other side of tha van tha cops shine they lights underneath, then up in all up in tha dawg whoz ass is still barking. 

 **COP 1  
** Psycho mutt

They move on, tha camera pans ta tha roof as DEAN sticks his head over n' shiznit yo. Dude looks round tensely, then sags against tha roof. 

....................................

SAM moves on tha fuckin' down-lowly all up in tha basement ta a cold-ass lil candlelit alta littered wit partz of dead muthafuckas, blood, horns, etc. There be a photo up in tha middle of DEAN, taken from tha securitizzle camera tha last time they was up in tha tent, before da thug was healed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! His grill has been crossed up wit what tha fuck be lookin like blood.

 **SUE ANN  
** (from behind SAM, startlin him) I gave yo' brutha game n' I can take it away.

SAM is furious yo. Dude tips over tha table tha alteris on, then runs at SUE ANN but she be already up tha stairs. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch closes tha hatches n' secures it wit a funky-ass beam. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM stretches ta push against dem n' keeps trying.

 **SUE ANN  
** Sam, can't you see, biatch? Da Lord chose me ta reward tha just n' punish tha wicked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And yo' brutha is wicked n' da ruffneck deserves ta take a thugged-out dirtnap just as Layla deserves ta live. Well shiiiit, it is Godz will. 

SAM turns ta survey tha room.

 **SUE ANN  
** Dope Bye Sam.

SAM pulls a funky-ass block off wood up from tha wall n' smashes up a lil' small-ass boarded up window.

...............................

INTERIOR. CHURCH TENT.

 **ROY  
** Mrs Rourke, pray wit me now, nahmeean, biatch? (Roy takes her hand) Pray wit me playas.

.........................

EXTERIOR. CAR PARK

DEAN is headin toward tha tent when some lights go up yo. Dude stops, lookin behind him, n' watches tha line of lights lightin tha path go up one by one yo. Dude turns back ta peep tha reaper struttin toward his muthafuckin ass.


End file.
